I’m sure that this is the worst start to any year for many of us, but boy am I finding this tough. Every time I think it’s surely going to get easier, s**t just gets harder.
I can’t really talk about why this week has been so horrendous. To be honest with you, I’ve already said too much about the school situation last week and the last thing I need is to get myself into more trouble. I found myself in a really unpleasant situation at work and on Tuesday evening I came home and crumbled. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and the pain in my chest was insane. I told my husband I coudn’t do it anymore. But then something happened. One by one people messaged me in support. A situation that I didn’t think was salvageable showed me just how much I’m backed and supported by my colleagues. I went from feeling terribly hurt to realising that my situation was not as I’d thought. I know this all sounds cryptic but it’s the best I can do right now.
So somehow, utterly exhausted, I picked myself back up and cracked on. I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed teaching this week. I didn’t. At all. However, I made it to Friday and finally was able to relax a bit.
After months of discomfort in my stomach, I had an ultrasound scan at the hospital. It was all clear and nothing sinister was seen. This was a relief and something to tick off my worry list. I’m sure it’ll be replaced by something else soon, but for now I’m reassured. I can only think that the stomach issues are either caused by stress or food or alcohol or caffeine… or all of them.
On Wednesday I managed to get back to working out and after a few weights sessions, I already feel lifted and stronger. Exercise really is crucial for my mindset. I think that’s why I’m so afraid of Covid. I’m terrified of not being able to workout. I know where that puts me mentally.
The weekend has been a mixture of country walks, horses, a bit of work, take aways and more wine and TV. I’m alright. I’m trying to look at each day, rather than the bigger picture and weeks of this. That’s too mind boggling and too hard.
So that’s it. My week. I’m still ready to quit teaching and set up a campsite/beach bar/ horse riding retreat, but I’ll teach for another week, try not to catch Covid and see how that goes.
Winging it! 