I lied the other day in the staff room. I said I don’t do dieting. I said it because it’s what I like to believe, because I know better and because I like to show everyone that I can feel good by simply exercising and eating sensibly. The truth is that over the past few months (actually the past few years – since I’m being honest), I have tried different diets. Recently I’ve restricted and tracked calories and macros, I’ve cut carbs and carb cycled, all in a bid to shift fat and look how I want in a bikini.

Now I know I’m not overweight or badly out of shape but as I approach 40, it is becoming much harder to maintain the figure that I’ve always been pretty happy with. For the first time in a good few years, I am about to go on holiday very uncomfortable at the prospect of wearing a bikini. However, I’ve had a wake up call. A few weeks ago my 8 year old daughter watched me looking in the mirror, frowning at my reflection. “Stop fussing about what you look like, you look fine,” she said. And there it was…I was doing what I’d always sworn I wouldn’t. I was allowing my daughter to see how much I cared about my size and about how I look. I’ve spent years being very careful never to talk about weight and diets and all of that other nonsense but I realised I’d let myself slip. They’ve heard me complain about my thighs and stomach, they’ve heard me moan that I’m bulging out of my bikini and they’ve watched as I scan food on MyFitnessPal to see how many calories it contains. None of this is ok and for the record, none of it has worked either.

My children know how important exercise is to me. They also hear me harp on about eating healthily and I think both of those things are fine. In a world where there is an obesity crisis, it is important that children are taught these things. However, what I’ve also started to teach them is that mummy eats different food and doesn’t really like herself and this message is not the one I wanted to send. In the past we sat at our table and compared muscles over dinner, we’ve talked about food that helps us have energy and grow strong and this is what we need to get back to. I spend a lot of time moaning to people that it’s so hard to eat healthily when you have a family and often I eat different food to the children, but I realise now that I’m over complicating it. I’m also probably doing my husband’s head in!

So I need to get a grip. I don’t have the rock hard abs that I’d hoped for and I still have cellulite, but I’m fit and healthy and in a position to run around with my kids on holiday. How lucky am I? Am I honestly going to let my girls see me trying to cover myself up, ashamed of what I look like?! Hell no! Because what sort of message does that send them?

As a family we need to exercise and eat well, but not because we hate our bodies…because we love them and want to look after them! But will I be joining them all in eating ice-cream on the beach? Abso-bloody-lutely, because life is too damn short!