‘Walking on eggshells’ describes my home life quite accurately. The main reason I wanted to start a blog (other than the fact that I love to waffle on) was the difficulties we have with our youngest daughter. Some of it I wanted to share because it’s quite amusing, some of it because it shows other people with similar struggles that even someone whose job is children, can’t always manage her own child and partly to see if anyone had advice!

My youngest daughter is six years old. She has always been a fairly strong-willed, fiery child but this past year she’s taken it to the next level and it’s been the hardest we’ve faced with her. I’m going to describe a typical day with M:

• Usually wakes up in a foul mood, immediately angry and shouting. Demands food instantly. Usually shouts, screams and rejects food that is offered to her. She recently shouted, “I want something unhealthy and you make me eat healthy stuff.” Yesterday morning she asked if she could have squirty cream for breakfast and then flipped out when I refused.
• Refuses to get dressed, have hair brushed, clean teeth etc. Every request is met with anger, shouting and hurling herself about.
• She tells her sister where to sit on the sofa, taking up most of the room herself and then screaming at E if she encroaches on what she considers to be her space.
• Putting socks on can be very traumatic because of the ‘bumps.’ This can provoke a lot of upset and anger.
• Putting shoes on is even worse at the moment. She flips out if you don’t do them tight enough and I never, ever can.
• She will lash out violently at times and become fairly hysterical at the drop of a hat. She can flip in a second.
• Carrying her own school stuff is also something that she refuses to do and will cry and shout when she’s made to.
• She goes bonkers at her sister if she touches her car seat, something that E needs to do in order to climb across to her own seat. M will kick and punch her if she gets angry with her.
• At school she is generally angelic. Every now and then she has started to show this other side and certainly this year she has had a few more friendship issues, but on the whole she is the model child at school.
• Home time – she demands a snack. Sometimes she gets very cross if the snack isn’t good enough or if there is only one thing.
• At home the angry, violent behaviour continues and getting her to walk the dog, read or anything else is very tricky.
• Bedtime didn’t used to be a problem but these days it increasingly is.

As I read this back to myself I realise this just sounds like I have a very obnoxious little girl, who is allowed to get away with murder. However, it just isn’t that straight forward. Honestly, I don’t entirely know what the deal is. I teach, I know children and I know she has certain traits. But she doesn’t totally fit any description or diagnosis. I do know that she’s genuinely upset when her shoes don’t feel right. I can see that she’s not very happy quite a lot of the time. I also know that she worries about all sorts of things but doesn’t always know how to deal with it. The other night when she clung on to me at bedtime, she wasn’t just messing around, she desperately wanted me to be as close as possible.

I’ve listed many negative things about M because she pushes me to my limit on a daily basis at the moment, but she is incredibly loving and fiercely loyal. She knows her own mind and at times shows great strength and determination. She can be very funny and is such a bright spark.

I am writing all of this now, at what feels like the start of the next chapter for us. In the hope that I can find some ways to make her life and our lives easier. I don’t want to change her but I want to be in a better position to understand her struggles, manage her behaviour and teach her how to treat people with kindness.

So please, if you’re in a similar position, comment away!