We’re a few weeks into the start of term and this school year and the holiday feels like a very distant memory. The past month has been overshadowed by chronic toothache and all thoughts of daily fun and exercise went out the window. Each day was a blur of whisky, codeine and anything else I could think of to take away the pain. I finally had root canal yesterday and despite the slightly alarming message that my tooth/gum can take up to a year to heal, I’m feeling unusually optimistic. Even though I feel like I’ve been punched in the face, I definitely don’t have the feeling of wanting to rip my face off anymore, which is nice!
So I have a new class. This was always going to be tough after having my previous bunch for two years. I adored them more than I think I’ve ever adored a class, so not having them has been emotional. It’s crazy I know but that’s how attached us teachers get. I’m trying to suss the new lot out and no doubt they are trying to get the measure of me too. This run up to Christmas with a new class is always a funny time and perhaps not the easiest. I am trying to be much stricter about work/life balance this year though. My plan is to work one of my days off and leave the other for chores. I’m also going to try to only work two evenings a week and not work weekends at all. I’ve managed it so far but the list of tasks to do is growing more quickly than I’m getting through them. However, it’s so nice to actually think about other things at the weekend and not feel the constant guilt that I’m neglecting my own family.
Dealing with the exhaustion of teaching is tough at the moment. I’m desperate to get back into the gym and running but my tooth hasn’t allowed me to get going properly. I do wonder how I ever used to manage it all. A few years ago I never skipped a workout and was in pretty good shape. The last few years have taken their toll and as I approach 40, I’m really starting to feel it. I feel quite determined to change though, and get back on track.
Another cause of the stress and exhaustion is our house going on the market. When people talk about moving being one of the most stressful things you can do, they’re not wrong. I always thought it was the actual moving that was the tricky part but I’m realising that it’s the whole process. Keeping my house in a fit state to be viewed when I have little time, two kids, a dog and a cat is no mean feat. I also think that deep down my gut was telling me that the plan we had in place wasn’t quite the right one. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell exactly what it is that you want. I find it very tricky indeed. I can’t decide what to eat for my next meal, let alone where in the world I want to live. I have found the whole thing overwhelming and have really had to focus on where I see myself in the future. I think we’re finally getting there but that’s a story for another time.
My eldest baby turned 10 this month. I have no idea how that precious, tiny, scrawny little mite has turned into the beautiful, funny, athletic girl she has. She celebrated with a horse riding party and sleepover with her closest friends. I think they all enjoyed it and I even got a little ride, which was much fun. However, we will not be doing a sleepover again any time soon! The point just before midnight that they started wrestling (who knew girls did that?!) was a game changer! I also finally allowed my big girl to have her ears pierced and am coming to terms with the fact that I have a child in double digits now, who will soon be stealing my make up and going out clubbing.
Both of my girls were phenomenal last weekend, running Pretty Muddy to raise money for Cancer Research. I ran with my littlest, who attempted every obstacle and chatted the whole way round. My big girl only went and came in second overall – the first girl to finish. She tore round the course on her own and absolutely smashed it, making me super proud.
I’m currently pondering how to deal with my smallest girl, the angry one. She hit her sister hard this evening, so after wrestling some beloved dress up shoes off her I sent her upstairs. I waited until she was calm to try to talk to her but the moment I tried her blood started to boil. It’s always the way. How do I teach her it’s wrong to tell people to ‘shut up’ or that they are idiots? Am I fighting a losing battle?
So here I am on a Tuesday evening, feeling a bit sick at the prospect of work tomorrow but hopeful for the future. There are big changes to come. I can feel it in my bones.
Winging it! 