Halfway through the week we had a bit of a fright. My youngest daughter mentioned that she’d spiked her hand and ‘it might’ve been on a needle.’ When I heard those words, I had that odd feeling where your stomach sinks and you think you might throw up. Now what happened is not relevant to my story, but to cut a long story short, we think my daughter is fine and it looks extremely unlikely that it was a needle that she spiked herself on. Unfortunately, because there was a very small risk, she had to have blood tests for HIV, Hepatitis B and C. She also had to have an injection for Hepatitis and will need one monthly for the next few months and then have further blood tests. She’ll then need another injection in a year. She was pretty upset by the whole experience to be honest. So was I. Here is where I gained perspective – I’d come home from work that day feeling like a failure and questioning, for the millionth time, whether I’m in the right profession. I was also stressing because our house hasn’t sold, because I had work to do, because I was knackered and had no time to exercise – the usual stuff. In a matter of seconds none of that mattered. None of it. The only thing that mattered was that my girl was ok and as I sat with her at the hospital, I thought of all the parents who have to do this every day, the parents of children who are really sick. My daughter was scared, tired and upset and it hurt my heart but I knew she was probably ok. It must be unbelievably tough to watch your child suffer and be completely helpless. It made me feel incredibly grateful. It also made me realise that all of that stuff I’d been stressing about really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. My children and my family are what matters above all else. So I guess a pretty unpleasant evening gave me some much needed clarity.
I’ve struggled at work this week. I’ve been lucky enough not to have to deal with challenging behaviour for the past two years and so I feel like I’ve been thrown back in the deep end. I feel enormously drained and frustrated at having to manage behaviour over teaching. I come home feeling like I’m failing the rest of my class and actually failing these tricky children too. It’s tough.
Out of work I’m feeling optimistic about future plans. Despite having very little interest in our house, we are starting to formulate a plan for the future that excites me. I won’t divulge much now but I’m hoping that some of the things I’ve always dreamed of might not be too far from my grasp.
After resting following my root canal, I took the dog for a glorious 3 mile run yesterday. We went in the late afternoon sunshine and as we tore through the trees, music blasting in my ears, I felt I might’ve turned a corner. Today I went back to the gym, which was awesome. I did a back and shoulder workout that resulted in sweat pouring down my face and body. It felt bloomin good.
So it’s been a mixed week. The weekdays are tough but I’m still hanging on to my weekends and resisting work. It means I feel I’ve had a break, which is needed. I’m also feeling excited about future plans…but that’s another story for another day.
Winging it! 